Christ on the Cross---How wrong I was about it!!

This is a personal understanding, by me, Bill Watts, (neither a theologian, nor Bible scholar, but a grateful sinner who He has saved), also in times past referred to as Cowboy Bill Watts, of professional wrestling fame, or is it “infamy.”

First, to paraphrase a thought by Keats in one of his poems: At this time in the world-----“when the best lack conviction, and the worst are filled with passionate intensity”-----it is important that I (we all) declare ourselves----and hopefully with passionate conviction.

And here also is the perfect place to add the most defining and convicting thought: As in Acts 16:30, when the jailer in charge of the place where Paul and Silas had been imprisoned, after the events of that situation, he cried “What must I do to be saved?” So too that must be the place where we all start in order for us to experience the salvation of Christ.

As William Mac Donald wrote in his commentary: “This question must precede every genuine case of conversion. A man must know he is lost before he can be saved. It is premature to tell a man how to be saved until first he can say from his heart, ‘I truly deserve to go to hell.’”

If a person is not, or has not, or doesn’t become aware of their being lost, and of their sins against the only righteous and holy God----and that the only thing they have “earned” is to be condemned to an eternity in hell; then nothing that I write here will have any meaning, nor will they grasp the enormity of their personal situation in relation to God, and where they will spend eternity. First and foremost, we must acknowledge our “position” in relation to our God, and our Creator.

                I Cor. 1:18 For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are being saved it is the power of God.

                I Cor. 2:14 But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.

As a sinner, without merit or favor, in a corrupt body of flesh, but saved by grace through faith in the redeeming work of Jesus Christ at Calvary where He died for my sins, which justly condemned me to an eternity in hell, but His death and resurrection, and my faith in His work reconciled me fully to God the Father; I began writing this on July 18,1996, and added to and re-edited as I was lead and as it has been placed on my heart since: Jesus Christ is my Lord (and yours)---there is nothing either you or I, or anybody can do that affects or changes that.

But, He is also my Savior, the author and perfector of my salvation, and I am saved by His merciful grace through faith.

Let me share with you what He’s done for me---and you. This is not about religion, but about a deep personal relationship with the man, Christ Jesus, who gave His all for me, and has accepted me with all my transgressions and flaws---and loved me enough to die that horrible death for me---( actually He took my place)-----and He loved me enough to seek me out and reveal that to me, and He loves you that much too.

Let me share with you my understanding of this, and what John 3:16 means to me. (I will use the Bible as reference for many of the things I write--as it is the infallible word of God, and as II Tim. 3: 16, 17 says: All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: that the man of God may be perfect {meaning to have all that is necessary for his understanding}, furnished unto all good works.

If you cannot accept the Bible as “the inspired word of God”, that he uses to reveal Himself to mankind, then none of this has any meaning for you anyway! The Holy Bible is the only written source wherein He reveals Himself to us---and gives us the basis for His relationship to us through his Son, Jesus Christ.)

My life, as those who know me can certainly attest, has been a mercurial (with the ups and downs so associated) testimony to what I am now relating. But, He is faithful, and even in my periods of darkness, His light penetrates and shines; and once you are His, He never lets go (no one or anything can ever take you away from Him---not even you can)--and, He never quits contending and striving for your heart to conform to His will for you---praise Him, thank Him for His undying and unconditional love!!

So, then when saved by Him, you become for lack of a better description, "a work in progress", until the day you are called home to Him---He is so wonderful!! Thus there have been periods in my life wherein He has illuminated so much of Himself to me, as He does to all of His own. Those moments have been breathtaking and humbling!! This is such a moment--as His Spirit has used the means needed to illuminate to me, again, the lack of understanding I had, and in that, how woefully wrong and shortsighted I was, and am. Thus, this is not written as "holier than thou", or from any point of criticism except of myself; but hopefully that it stimulates your thoughts, and better focuses or clarifies your relationship with Jesus---because to not make a choice or decision in that---is a choice or decision made---and there is no "middle ground". (John 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, “ I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by Me.” So, there is only one way to God---through Christ as I Timothy 2:5 also confirms.)

                For "man" to see himself positionally in relation to Christ, first, we must realize that we are lost, and that all have fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23)---that we are sinners, and our sins are against God, and against God only; and that the “wages of sin is death” (Romans 6:23).

We must also realize that there is nothing we can do of our own: Eph. 2: 5, 8, Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved): and For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast.) 

We must realize that we have “no merit”, and cannot earn His favor, nor attain to His holiness and righteousness. (If even one man on earth had been able to “measure up” to God’s standard of holiness and righteousness, then Christ need never have died for us at Calvary.) That God’s Law (the Ten Commandments) were not just some “random rules”, but rather revealed His intrinsic inherent traits---His holiness and righteousness---His personality and character. (But once revealed as the standard, the Law of God also became the curse, because it then holds us accountable---and reveals our shortcomings and fallen state. Did that make the Law bad---never, for it is just---but it reveals us, and our predicament in relation to righteousness. Being a “good person” in the eyes of the world, is not the measure that is the way to salvation. It is how we measure to God’s standard which is His holiness and righteousness--as Galations 2:16 reveals.)

 So, through all this, we must “realize just who He is” this awesome and only God, the Creator, Sovereign Lord of the Universe, who “spoke” everything into existence by and through His Son---who always was with Him and is Him, for they are inseparable, and by whom all things were created, and all things are “held together” (as not even space is random). Through this, we must come to the point wherein we see just how much He (who was without sin) suffered on "our" behalf---as He paid our just dues--as He substituted Himself for us to pay the penalty for our sins---and received our judgement and our punishment so that we might be freed from the slavery to sin---and be reconciled to God through Him.

`We are saved by grace. It cannot be earned. Grace is "unmerited favor". It cannot be bought---it is God's gift to us through His Son, Jesus Christ. This is the highest form of love ever demonstrated on this earth. To receive it, all one must do is come to Him---and believe in Him---not from the "head" as a historical event---but "from the heart", to know He is God---and to receive Him into our heart, as our Lord and Master. He is Sovereign!!

This is not “religion” (which man in his arrogant pride and rebellious disobedience has tried to make it, and led so many astray---as Prov. 14:12 states: There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.), but it is about our personal relationship with Jesus Christ!

                So, this has been on my heart for awhile, but I feel so inadequate to the task of describing it, what the Holy Spirit has illuminated to me in this, that I have been so futile and ignorant as to somehow in my mind demean or in any way belittle (which I have) by not fully grasping the complete majesty, the fullness, the scope of all that happened at the cross---and just how much more Christ endured and suffered than I had perceived or understood.

Yes, I accepted His loving sacrifice for my salvation---but in my heart of hearts, in my "pride of life", I didn't give Him nearly enough recognition nor true understanding realization for the unprecedented intensity and agony of how He suffered, and what He endured for me as He faced our righteous and holy God in penalty for our sins in judgement---as He took our place that we might never have to so endure what no one but He has ever known and experienced on that cross.

                Some time ago, I had written a note in my Bible: "Had I been the only person in the world, Christ would still have died on the cross for me. Had I been the only person in the world, I would have been the one to nail Him to the cross!!! For that is the darkness of sin in the human heart (Rom. 3:10-18). How we can delude ourselves to think there is anything of merit, or "goodness" in our heart, is frightening, but in our pride, we do.

The only “choices” I’ve made, the only “rights” I’ve earned based on my efforts and merits, was to rebel and disobey Him, to sin against Him---and thus my only “rights” are to spend an eternity of condemnation for those choices in hell. That is what I have earned! But, he initiated (He sought me), and called me, and His Spirit convicted me of my lost and sinful state; and He redeemed me, and gave me His salvation--He redeemed me by paying my debt for my sins to a righteous and holy God.

He did it all. And, it is all done. No one can add to it or take away from it. That He loves me, (such an immoral sinner---though He hates my sin, but has made provision for me in His Son, and allowed me to receive it), and the mystery of His grace (unmerited favor), and has chosen me to be His (before the world was born), and that He indwells me in His Spirit (in the corruption of my flesh); is beyond any comprehension I have----but, I am so thankful. Now, I share with you what I feel the Lord has let me see--I only hope it stimulates you to consider this for yourself---so that you do not have to ever face our holy and righteous God in judgement in reference to your sins. Because we shall all face Him. The separating factor is whether we face Him on our own, and answer based on our own merits; or face Him with His Son as our Advocate and Savior---and Redeemer who has already paid our penalty----and are judged on the merits of Christ.

                Hebrews 12:1,2  "Therefore since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance, and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."     In reflecting on that verse, it drew me to the words, "who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame," ----------and knowing in my heart was the question; "How could He consider it a "joy"?!

                Then, I would be drawn to think of Christ, and the entire crucifixion event, reflecting on  His suffering during that event for us. (May He forgive me for my thoughts, how the purest, and greatest act of love and obedience ever; that in my mind, I could even somehow dilute, and in so doing, "mentally" demean Him---how treacherous foolish pride, how deceitful my heart of flesh!!)

                To illustrate, I had in some periods of my life considered that Jesus Christ, in His death on the cross, was a young man, in the prime of His life, a very strong man, a carpenter by trade--so He worked with His hands---His labor was very physical, He was forceful, intimidating when angry---as when He drove the money changers out of the temple; yet He died sooner than either of the two thieves crucified on either side of Him-----Why?!! Or, that He was Deity, so it really did not hurt Him as bad---and seemingly, when He had accomplished the task, He just gave up His life---and the suffering ended.

Now consider this: Here is God almighty, who comes to earth to redeem His fallen creation---the God of the universe, whom every day for eternity has been in the heavenlies, praised and glorified by angelic choirs, sung to by His entire creation; and He must come to earth to redeem his own creation who has fallen. He divested Himself of all that! Think about that for a moment! Read Philippians 2:5-8, and reflect on that for a moment, putting it into perspective. Now, think of all the forms he could have “come in”: as an angel, as a king, as a conqueror, any of a myriad supernatural forms. But, he comes in all the physical frailty of humanity, and as a baby, without pomp or ceremony, of the lowest estate, born in total poverty, He never accumulated any earthly trappings or honors for Himself---total humility---a servant. He was sought to be destroyed by kings and authorities, misunderstood, accused, hated,---a man of sorrows, without estate, or huge followings or servants or wealth (whose total wealth is everything in the world He created). He was tested by Satan, accused by the “religious leaders”, rejected by His chosen people, and came here not to conquer, but to serve---and to die for our sins---He who sinned not.

Then, His death: If dying was all He had to do, then there were so many ways so much less painful and shameful. But, He endured the very worst death ever devised by mankind to that date. He was beaten and tortured, and made spectacle of by every representative government on earth, and without being found guilty of being anymore than who He said He was, condemned to that horrible death in order that we might live, nailed to that cross, later thrust through with a spear. A death that took hours! Dying between two criminals. The God of the universe.

                Yes, He had suffered---been scourged, by Romans---which were not bound like the Jew's  law to limit any scourging (whipping) to not over 40 lashes---lest they kill the person, but by battle-hardened Roman legionnaires, conquerors of the world, known for their vicious effectiveness, certainly never cited for mercy, any life other than their own not highly valued, (and, as I'm sure Jerusalem wasn't a "cushy" post that got the sophisticated, or highly intelligent, or especially kind----but rather like the "Russian front" was the feared banishment for the disfavored or incompetent of the German army in W.W.II)---therefore, it was certainly very brutal, certainly their whip had those sharpened bits of metal in the braids, to rip and tear the flesh; and they were masters at making a person suffer---whipping them right up to the point of death---their very inner organs exposed through their shredded backs!!

                He had also been struck, spit on, a crown of those huge thorns indigenous to that area, and sharp, and I'm sure with their own natural toxin that would increase the pain, had been more than likely very forcibly jammed on His head as a mock crown, causing Him to bleed,----He had been forced to carry His own cross (the horizontal cross member), no small physical feat--especially under such duress, ---certainly, food and drink withheld, the stress of the confrontations, the trials, ----and His divinity knowing how it was to end, (think, how we dread something bad, or that could hurt, and how that stress "drains our strength" before we even experience it!!

And then of course, the extreme brutality of the actual crucifixion!!!--- being nailed to the cross, ---certainly these weren't slender, fine sharpened, stainless steel surgical nails, (as if that would make it less painful) but very likely rough, large diameter, ponderous, heavy nails (by some accounts 7" long)---driven through the hands or wrists, into the rough splinter protruding cross, can you even imagine,---then that cross member roughly hoisted, unceremoniously into position on the vertical part---and more nails driven through the feet or ankles!

The terrible ripping, tearing pain to the joints and nail pierced limbs---to an already pain-wracked body, in front of the very jeering masses, His very creation, that He had come to save!! The shame heaped upon an innocent man, our Lord! The power of that emotion and pain washing over Him and engulfing Him like a tidal wave---and Him an innocent man!! He refused the drink they gave in those days to “deaden the pain and awareness” so He would have the complete fullness of all His faculties to endure to His mission, our salvation.

I am the sinner that but for Him, should have to endure that judgement----------and yet, I had somehow still diluted that too, tweaked all of that in my own mind to where it just wasn't that bad---or that others (but certainly not me) had endured worst than that in history (the physical torture)---oh, the sinful pride of man---the ever present desire to elevate himself to equality with God, or to mentally or subliminally reduce God to our own understanding!! (When He tells us that His ways are not our ways, neither are His thoughts our thoughts; but as far as the heavens are from the earth are His ways from our ways and  His thoughts from our thoughts.)

                As just to the emotion of hatred, let me share of personal experience with you that might help you perceive: As a young 25 year old man, I wrestled in Madison Square Garden (a simulated Roman Coliseum), before over 18,000 screaming fans, the largest crowd ever in that "old" MSG for any event in its history---fans screaming for my blood, their hatred of me, the "bad guy" or "villain" wrestling their "hero"; was washing over me in waves, like a physical force!!

(Prior to that event, I had always been "their hero" too. The adulation of that huge crowd, also like the even bigger crowd at Owen Field in Norman, Oklahoma playing for the Sooner’s of Bud Wilkenson,---when you'd "take the field" coming down the ramp just prior to the kick-off, and the crowd would come as one to their feet with a roar of adulation, you'd actually be "lifted" up emotionally to where you felt invincible---like you could keep on running right down the field to the other endzone, and run right through the concrete wall, and not even feel it!! So certainly your opponents couldn't stop you. That is how powerful that focused mass emotion is, its almost physical. That's why the "home field advantage" is so fought for in pro-sports.)

Now, because of events preceding that match, I am faced with a hostile crowd, in a setting and magnitude I'd never before faced, in the Mecca of Pro-wrestling ( in an era when fans still took their wrestling seriously), and as I said, a crowd screaming for my blood, a crowd insane with rage---all directed at me---and it hits with such a force, that it seems physical!! It completely changed my entire demeanor! It was worse than being "slapped" as far as the personal affront to my senses, and more powerful than the strongest blow---and as treacherous to me, their former "hero", as being kicked in the groin.

My reaction, as I knew I had to combat it, or it would dominate me, and I'd lose to that fear---I attacked all that emotion with my own anger!!! I became enraged, and hated all those faceless people---I loathed them, and that permeated my very being, that rage projected back at them like a weapon itself---and I was able without any remorse or conscience to react toward those people; transformed by the force of all that emotion focused at me, to become like it, into a blood-lusting beast-----So, that emotion: for or against, love and adulation, or anger and hatred, is such a powerful force of itself---as history has recorded in "lynch mobs", racial riots, war, wherein the atrocities perpetrated against innocent non-combatants, civilians, women and children, the aged and infirm, ------wherein that emotion literally feeds on itself, and whomever is caught up in it, or its directed toward.

After that, I was in other situations like that in my career in that godless venue, but then knew what to expect---it still was felt, but then since I understood it,  could control it in my own respect---even though the violence of my reaction was "just barely under control", and quickly struck when at certain times, things got "out of control". (Just as when we think we have our sinful flesh under control--but don't.)

                I hope you'll pardon my seeming to digress from what's on my heart, but I hoped to share with you of something that helped me to maybe understand even better what I'm trying to relate---but first more of my "lack of understanding", of my ignorant pride of man that elevates self, and tries to reduce God to less than He is, ---to our understanding. And back then to the cross, to our Suffering Servant, the Lamb of God, who loved His Heavenly Father so much, and us, you and me, so much, that He couldn't (wouldn't) summon any "weapons" (whether even just personal anger or hatred in self-defense of the innocent versus the frenzied forces controlled at that moment in time by evil ) to strike back at the hatred and emotion of that kill-crazed, blood-lusting crowd.

He loved us, you and me, so much that He "endured the shame". But can you just glimpse from my revealing to you, how the power of mass emotion directed at you can feel, and how this innocent Lamb of God must have felt??!! (No, because we are not God, and "as our thoughts are not His thoughts, neither are our ways His ways, but as the heavens are higher than the earth, are His thoughts than our thoughts, and His ways than our ways"---but we can feel it from our limited perception).

This gentle man of sorrows, at the helpless mercy, the focal point of the combined rage and fury, the epi-center, the very vortex of this mob, this blood-lusting beast that an out of control mob becomes, seeking the flesh the very lifesblood of our gentle Savior, the Lamb of God; and He, "being very God of very God, and true and perfect man," was thrust into it as the very helplessness of a "lamb led to slaughter", into this maelstrom of hate---what a sensory overload, a horror---with no where to hide--no sanctuary.

                Then, in my mind, I also thought I understood as in Matt. 27:46, where He cried out from on the cross, "ELI, ELI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?" that is, "MY GOD, MY GOD, WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?" (Taken from the 22nd Psalm, in His divinity, with His last breathe, knowing this "event" would be preserved, and scrutinized, and stumbled over; He, for our sake not only validated the scriptures already written, again, and verified them again, by fulfilling one last prophecy that pertained to Him at that time!)    That this only begotten Son of God, who had been with our Father God for all time, who had been there with Him; and through Him, Jesus, the world was made; who divested Himself of all that to come to earth, be born of a virgin, to give Himself as a sacrifice, a holy God without sin, for our sins---to save you and me---and during this entire time on earth, He was in perfect communion and harmony with the Father in heaven----BUT, He who knew no sin was made sin on our behalf, and as such, nailed to that cross as the eternal sacrifice, to die, to pay for my sins, to take sin to the grave, to satisfy the holy righteousness of the Father as to the just penalty for sin, (the Just and the Justifier)---and as God the Father will not allow sin in His presence, and as Christ became our sin on the cross, that communion, for that time, that eternal bond had to be severed---He had to suffer as sin and die (Heb. 9:22)---He had, as the sacrifice for us, to be separated from God!!

I even thought that for that "instant", that Satan had some "access" to His mind, and that facing that evil without God the Father was so horrible, that He cried out. But somehow I overlooked such a key to the intensity of what He endured, and in my mind thought it was for just that instant moment when He cried out those words---------

                Then, the really abominable concept that would on occasion seem to just "creep" into my mind, as I previously mentioned------that after all, He is God,---as God, even in the flesh, He was "supernatural"---so all this didn't hurt Him as much as it would me!  And, He seemingly died when His "job" was done---He gave up His own spirit--so He was "in control" to some extent, of the endurance of His suffering--------.

                Yes, I've read the comments about crucifixion, that the joints slowly just pull out of socket, as the muscles can no longer resist, and just "give in"; that the pain from the nails hurts so bad that each breath (which requires one hanging thus to put pressure on their supports , or legs, which in this case are anchored to the cross by nails, to even draw a breath) and that finally the victim dies of suffocation, because as all the joints become disjointed, and the muscles relax and tear, you can no longer breathe ( and traditionally, they would break the condemned person’s legs to deny that support to breathe and insure their death----but did not do that to Christ as was prophesied in the Old Testament).

I'm familiar with how prolonged pain defeats our will to resist---in athletics, our training plus emotion and reactive action distracts our concentrating on the effect of our own pain, unless we are defeated by it; and allows us to react, to inflict pain back---conversely, I hate to even get a shot, or my blood taken in a doctor's office, because I have to be passive, to just endure it and can't retaliate----the most significant pain I know, (even though I only know it as a spectator), where you can't "fight back", but must endure in a passive way, is illustrated by pro-longed labor in childbirth---I do not know how a woman endures it!! So, I'm not trying to reduce what He endured---I sure couldn't endure it without crying out, and if it was prolonged, (more than a very brief moment), probably---certainly, to beg for mercy!! Certainly in my case, to beg for mercy just in anticipation, prior to enduring it. But also, I'm an avid reader, and read many accounts of prisoners of war, and the inhumane treatment and torture many of them endured---for so long in many instances, and they survived!!! (So, you see, I was "watering down", or diluting, discrediting, or belittling what He endured!!)

                I've seen and heard in sports of people withstanding and enduring great pain. I've read accounts of the Christian martyrs in the Roman persecutions, and in the Roman coliseum, being fed to the wild beasts, burned alive, and all the other fiendish savagery man can inflict.

                So, yes, the pain and suffering He endured based on that perspective was horrible, but not worse than others have endured. But, keep in mind that everything that I've discussed thus far, is what He's suffered at the hands of "man", and all in broad daylight, where everyone could see---and was predominately physical!!! What I hadn't yet really grasped, much less considered and understood, was the real issue, the real trial, the real truth, the unbearable aspect that no one has ever experienced except Jesus Christ------having to face the wrath of our Holy God in paying the penalty for sin!!! I hadn't yet grasped that.               

                But then, my brother Bobby was sharing with me in Isaiah 52 and 53, concerning the prophetic descriptions of Christ on the cross, and we came to the 52 chapter, the 14th verse, the second half of it says in the NAS translation: "So His appearance was marred more than any man, and His form more than the sons of men." In the KJV version it says, As many were astonied at Thee; His visage was so marred more than any man, and His form more than the sons of men: (Even Scofield's notes on it say, The literal rendering is terrible: "So marred from the form of man was His aspect that His appearance was not that of a son of man----i.e. not human.)  And I, with all this "worldly wisdom", this pride of the flesh, (the Bible calls foolish pride, ignorance, darkness of understanding, futility of their mind, etc.,) said, "How was His visage marred more than any man---I just don't see it---yes, He suffered---but not that much!!"

                Then he took me to Is. 53:4-6;  Surely our griefs He Himself bore, and our sorrows He carried; yet we ourselves esteemed him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the chastening for our well-being fell on Him, and by His scourging we are healed. All of us  like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; but the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all to fall on Him.

                Is 53:10;  But the Lord was pleased to crush Him, putting Him to grief; if He would render Himself as a guilt offering,----------Wait a minute!!! What is this??!! Strong words: smitten, stricken, afflicted, crushed---and by God, a supernatural, omnipotent power---not by man!!!!  Am I missing something, is there something I'm not seeing (foolish, ignorant man that I am)??!!

                Consider this: three of the Gospels in their recounting of the crucifixion, Matt 27:45,46; Mark 15:33,34; and Luke 23:44,45; all state that from about noon to 3 PM, that total darkness fell at Calvary. What is the significance of that??!! We know in everything, God has a purpose, and in His word, there is such completeness------so, for three long, excruciating, horrible, indescribable hours Christ was crushed for our sin!! Not just "an instant", but for three long interminable hours of anguish unbearable by even Jesus Christ, our Lord! He suffered this for me---and for you!! All this in addition to the physical pain---on top of all of that! What marred His visage more than any man was what He endured facing our Holy God's wrath in receiving the judgement for sin!! The spiritual and mental anguish, not just the physical.

                God's son, Jesus Christ became sin! He was sacrificed. The penalty for sin is death! That payment of sin is before a wrathful God in judgment, a God who has declared, "I hate sin!" No one has yet faced our wrathful God in relation to judgment for sin! No one that is, except Jesus Christ. But, there will be a final judgement for all.

Though Hebrews 10:31 tells us; "It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God."; and even more of an insight, of Moses at just the "sight" of His holiness, in Hebrews 12:21  "And so terrible was the sight, that Moses said, “I am full of fear and trembling.'" He also referred to Him as a "consuming fire". Facing God in wrath is what marred His visage more than any man, (not the physical torture of men,)----it was so horrible, even the physical shrank in comparison. I believe that God the Father "covered" His son by darkness on the face of the earth while He underwent judgment for sin!!! He didn't allow His creation to actually view the resulting effects of His wrath as He punished Him, and dealt with our sin, and crushed His own son for it, for us!!!

That's what marred His visage more than any man---that made Him unrecognizable as a human being as Scofield's notes indicated. That happened from within His very being, and was so horrible that God didn't want the world to actually see it!! (Some scholars speak of the "blood and water" referred to in John 19:34; that came out when the soldier thrust the spear into His dead body--as the sign of one dying of a "broken heart". If so, I surely now can understand! Recently there has been a report in a medical journal verifying that the blood and water signified His death.)

Another custom was the Roman's broke a crucified person's legs on the cross---thus disabling them to get the support--to "drive off their legs" (no matter how painful it was) to be able to breath. That was the custom---but they did not break Christ's legs---as God had prophesied years earlier too.

                My God, My God, forgive me for my ignorance, my futility, my darkness, my lack of understanding!!          The exclamation point of my life this reveals, is that most all of my life, I have only considered self; that all my thoughts and efforts were focused on self, and my desires rather than on Christ----else, I'm sure His Spirit would have revealed all this to me so much sooner! I am thankful, that God is a faithful and loving God, His lovingkindness, mercy, forgiveness, and grace are unfathomable, and never ending---until the Day of Judgement, predicated by Christ's return, or our earthly death in denial of the truth revealed to us by the Holy Spirit. One thing is certain, we all are going to meet Him---will it be as our conqueror and judge!!!!---or to welcome Him as our loving Lord??!! He will not come again as a lamb, or suffering servant---but as King!!

                Thank you Heavenly Father, Praise you for your Holy Spirit who reveals Jesus Christ to us, who opens our eyes that we may see, our ears that we may hear! Thank you that your Spirit illuminated through my loving and faithful younger (but greater in stature) brother, this overwhelming realization of the even greater scope to the wonderful sacrifice Christ made for me at Calvary, and that you let me finally see it. Thank you Lord! Thank you also for the saints whom have prayed for me.

                Also, I pray that this understanding strikes into the hearts of man, that without Christ, each person will face that same wrathful God 0ur Savior faced on the cross in judgment for their own sins---and just try to imagine the forces that will come to bear in extracting that penalty---that would not spare His only son, in His role as substitute for our sin, and certainly will not spare anyone facing His wrath in judgment; that crushed Him, that marred His visage more than any man! And that realization causes each person to really examine themselves, and their personal relationship (or lack of) with Jesus Christ! If you are reading this, then it's not too late for you to come to Him.

                Now, back to the verse we started with, and the part that says, "who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross"----here there are two wonderful kinds of joy---the first is He was totally obedient to the Father, He glorified Him as He satisfied Him completely in relation to sin---He fulfilled God the Father's righteousness and justice in relation to sin, He appeased Him without compromising any of His attributes---the Just and the Justifier; the second joy is His love for us, that He could sacrifice Himself for us.

                And God the Father was and is forever glorified and satisfied---and He then glorified the Son---He is risen, and sits at the right hand of God the Father in heaven. Praise Him! As horrible a sinner as I am, living in this garbage dump of flesh, I won't have to face a wrathful God in judgment for my sins!!

(Yes, as long as I’m in this “body of flesh” I will sin, and live the consequences of that sin while here on earth;---but, I am still saved from its eternal penalty, and His Spirit will contend with the war waged in my flesh that is contrary to His will for me. Thus I am freed from the “bondage of my sin”, and have within me through Him, the strength to resist---even though my flesh in its self-centered rebellion, will always compete with that will.)

Thank you Jesus for setting me free of my sins, and washing me white as snow in your precious blood! 

I hope you, as you read this, know Christ as your Savior---otherwise, you'll meet God as your judge. If you already know Christ as your Savior, I hope this brings you even closer to His love--and how intensely He loves us.

Low at Thy feet, Lord Jesus,

This is the place for me;

Here I have learned deep lessons,

Truth that has set me free.

Free from myself Lord Jesus,

Free from the ways of men;

Chains of thought that have bound me,

Never bind again.

None but Thyself, Lord Jesus,

Conquered this wayward will,

But for Thy love constraining,

I had been wayward still.

(Found in a man's bible after he died.)

                This is my prayer too of thanksgiving and praise for all He has already done for me. I can rest because I am in Him, and He is in me. I accept that my salvation is only by and in the Lord Jesus Christ---and I cling to His love and His righteousness---not mine, which is so corrupt and fallible and human and self-serving and conditional and flawed.

Excerpts of poetry by George West Frazer, who went to the Lord Jan. 24,1896:

1) God's house is filling fast---

"Yet there is room!"

Some soul will be the last--

"Yet there is room!"

Yes, soon Salvation's day

From you will pass away,

Then grace will no more say--

"Yet there is room!"

2) Down to the depths of Woe

Christ came to set me free:

He bared His breast,

Received the blow,

Which justice aimed at me!

3) On that same night, Lord Jesus,

When all around Thee joined

To cast its darkest shadow

Across Thy holy mind,

We hear Thy voice, blest Savior,

"This do, remember Me!"

With joyful hearts responding,

We do remember Thee.

                In the autumn of my life, knowing I am saved (in spite of myself), and that it's by God's grace (His gift, unmerited favor) that I am saved---and that "once saved, always saved";  (for as I John 5:10-13 reveals: He that believeth on the Son of God has the witness in himself: he that believeth not God hath made Him a liar; because he believeth not the record that God gave of His Son. And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life. These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.)

So, I am not afraid to die, because I know without any doubt that I'll be with my Savior, Jesus Christ---but, as I look back on my life, and how I've wasted it in relation to Him--how disobedient I've been---and yet His faithful love of me, then I am ashamed to die!

 Isn't it wonderful---that it's His love and His righteousness to which we cling (which is infallible and unconditional)---and not our own (that is so fallible and humanly fickle, flawed, and conditional)?!!

Do you know Him? Is He your Lord and Savior?

That is the real issue---the only issue with eternal consequences. There is no “in-between”.

Bill Watts